me: *goes to kitchen*
Family: Why do you stay in your room all day?
Forgiveness in its complete form does not mean forgetting. It means understanding. Real forgiveness should not lead to circular happenings but rather should liberate you from perpetuating those cycles.
My favorite role model for forgiveness and compassion is a good mother. A good mother will certainly forgive and aspire to understand her child. But will she just forget the child’s mistakes so that they can simply happen over and over? Of course not.
So aspire to forgive through sincere understanding. Understand that if you were not so influenceable, these people wouldn’t seem so toxic. Also understand the circumstances which have encouraged toxicity in those people. In this way, you can appreciate the larger picture.
You are still growing and getting your footing, which is why the influence of these people is harmful. Instead of making it about judgments or guilt, simply recognize that it is about personal growth. Some day you will be able to love and help others, no matter how toxic they may seem. But that cannot happen before you uncover some of your own peace and clarity within.
So be true to what life is asking of you. Go your own way, be open to the new people that come into your life, and surrender to the movement away from the more toxic individuals. You don’t need to isolate yourself, avoid toxic people, or put up walls. Just flow in the direction that awakens your heart until you are ready to live from that place within.
I’d highly recommend the book The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. It will definitely help with this process you are going through.